Many of us have found ourselves in relationships where we know something's not right, something feels "off." But we just can't put our finger on what it is.

Are you worried you might be in a narcissistic relationship? Or that you’re last relationship was tinged with narcissistic abuse and you want to break the pattern now! Narcissists can be subtle or overt. However they operate, they share a set of common behaviors: a believe in their own self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, a mastery of manipulation and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissistic relationships are, by definition, toxic: unhealthy, soul-sucking, destructive, and dysfunctional. If you've been in a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist, no doubt you can relate.

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Please seek professional help if you believe you're in such a relationship and feel stuck, trapped, or unsure of what steps to take to extricate yourself. You deserve better!

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Following are some signs of toxicity to be on the lookout for:

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1. Confusion:

This is almost universal in a narcissistic relationship. Narcissistic
relationships start out with "love bombing" on the part of the narcissist—you're put on a pedestal, wined and dined, and made to feel like you've entered the Garden of Eden.

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Then... everything changes.

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You might be asking, “What went wrong? Is it me? Am I crazy? WTF is going on?” Nothing seems to make sense. Hint: If you're with a narcissist, please know: You're not crazy. This isn't your fault. You're with a manipulative, emotionally abusive individual. Confusion reigns in narcissistic relationships. It isn't you.

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2. Despite all your efforts nothing you do seems to make things better.

Issues never get
resolved. Discussions seem to be a never-ending hellish hamster wheel leading nowhere.
Any complaints you raise are met with counter-complaints and unrelated accusations, à
la, "What about when you... (fill in the blank here)?

3. You feel your sense of self slipping away.

You've become a shell of the person you once were. You've lost touch with your own interests, desires, gifts, and strengths. Your self-esteem has dwindled to a speck. Because of the narcissist's ever-increasing demands and unrealistic expectations, you feel like you're "not good enough" and like nothing you do is good enough. Because, for a narcissist, nothing is ever enough.

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4. The relationship feels one-sided.

The narcissist is unwilling and unable to compromise. You're the one putting in all the effort. You're the one insisting on going to therapy. You're the only one who seems to care. You feel like an afterthought to the narcissist, unimportant and disposable. Perhaps because to them, you are. (Sorry.)

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5. You find yourself walking on eggshells.

You're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop should you displease the narcissist or not rise up to meet their unrealistic demands and expectations. Anything you say can—and will—be used against you. You live in a state of constant anxiety, tiptoeing around the narcissist, who might explode into a narcissistic rage (sudden, intense outbursts of anger or aggression) at any moment—or hit you with a punishing silent treatment.

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6. You're questioning your perceptions, memories, and reality.

Thanks to the narcissist's use of gaslighting—a common tactic the narcissist uses to undermine you and get you to
become more and more aligned with their views, you find yourself increasingly dependent on them for
guidance and support.

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7. The narcissist intrudes upon your boundaries.

The narcissist becomes increasingly controlling, telling you who to be, dictating what you can and cannot do, and disrespecting and disallowing you to have your own opinions, needs, etc. You're told you "shouldn't feel that way" or "shouldn't need other people" or "shouldn't do that," etc. Or, as in my case, what I shouldn't wear, i.e., sweats. (WTF?)

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8. You find yourself obsessing and ruminating.

If thoughts about the narcissist and the relationship have replaced healthy thoughts, interests, and activities, take note. You've given up your other friendships and relationships as the narcissist attempts to isolate you from them. This isolation makes you more dependent on the narcissist and easier to control.

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9. You're neglecting yourself.

You find yourself self-sacrificing, neglecting your own needs, losing sight of your own interests, and self-silencing yourself to keep the peace as you focus on serving the never- ending needs and demands of the narcissist. You've ceased expressing yourself. It's all about the narcissist now.

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10. You feel stuck.

Part of you wants to leave, part of you doesn't. You fear what lies outside this relationship. You make excuses for the behavior of the narcissist, rationalizing their abusive behavior: They're under a lot of pressure. This is a stressful time for them. Things will get better when... This back-and-forth is part of the cycle of abuse, which can make it difficult to leave.

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11. You no longer trust yourself.

You've been brainwashed to depend on the narcissist as you struggle with decisions in your own life.

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12. You are starving for attention.

You find youself starving for affection, attention, and approval, settling for the few scattered
breadcrumbs the narcissist occasionally tosses your way to keep you hooked. These are just a few red flags to look for to determine if you're in a toxic relationship. Please don't dismiss them. If you're with a narcissist, things never get better—they always get worse! Protect yourself, seek help—and know you deserve better!
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If you recognize these signs in your relationship, reach out to a therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse or contact a domestic violence hotline for support and guidance. Remember, you're not alone, and there is help available.

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