‍“You can’t throw a cat without hitting a narcissist.”

—Brene Brown

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In a world where narcissists seem to be lurking around every corner, recognizing them can be a challenge. As Brene Brown aptly puts it, “You can’t throw a cat without hitting a narcissist.” Yet, despite their prevalence, many of us fall prey to their manipulative tactics, often because we simply don’t know what to look for. This post explores the importance of education and awareness in protecting ourselves from narcissistic abuse.

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The Invisible Threat

Narcissists, it seems, are everywhere—but good luck spotting them. Most people think they’d know a narcissist if they saw one, but chances are they’ve never encountered a covert narcissist, aka a wolf in sheep’s clothing. These sly creatures present themselves as caring, kind, and trustworthy—making them all the more dangerous.

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Covert narcissists don’t fit the stereotypical image of a narcissist. They’re not overtly grandiose or obviously self-centered. Instead, they mask their true nature behind a façade of kindness and empathy, making them nearly impossible to identify at first.

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From Love Bombing to Devaluing: The Narcissistic Cycle

When I first met my narcissistic ex-husband, he presented himself as a “great guy”—jovial, attentive, affectionate, and easy-going. He skillfully hooked me with his love bombing tactics. I thought I’d hit the jackpot.

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Unfortunately, I didn’t know that with a narcissist, what you see is not what you get. I didn’t know that such manipulative con artists existed. In short, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And it bit me in the butt—badly.

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The blissful ignorance didn’t last long. Soon, the criticisms, neglect, and disdain crept in. The relationship had entered the toxic devaluing stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle. I was left wondering:

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• What did I do wrong?

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• Am I crazy?

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• Is this all my fault?

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• Am I not good enough?

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Thanks to his gaslighting, blame-shifting, and hot-and-cold behavior, I was utterly confused. What I didn’t know was that this is exactly what narcissists do.

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When Abuse Doesn’t Look Like Abuse

As a doctor, I thought I knew what abuse looked like. I’d seen physical and sexual abuse cases in my practice. But emotional abuse? I wasn’t trained to spot that. Narcissistic abuse is subtle, insidious, and doesn’t leave visible scars. Yet, its effects can be soul-destroying.

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Through tactics like withdrawal, withholding affection, passive-aggressive behaviors, and gaslighting, the narcissist’s abuse sneaks up on you. Without education, it’s nearly impossible to recognize.

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The Power of Knowledge

Knowledge is power. Educating ourselves about narcissistic abuse enables us to:

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• Spot the red flags before we’re in too deep.

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• Understand the common patterns of behavior and manipulative tactics used by narcissists.

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• Establish boundaries to protect ourselves from control and disempowerment.

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• Seek support and validation from survivors and professionals.

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• Let go of shame and self-blame projected onto us.

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• Address vulnerabilities or unhealed wounds that made us susceptible.

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Awareness gives us the language—and the confidence—to face the truth of our situation and take steps to avoid falling prey to harmful individuals in the future.

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Final Thoughts

Knowledge is power. Ignorance is not bliss. Narcissists are everywhere. Once you know what to look for, you can avoid being hit by flying cats.